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A few months ago, I attended a writing conference where the term “coming of age” was used more than I had EVER heard in my life. Each time a reference to a “coming of age” novel was made, I fell down a rabbit hole in my brain- wondering, when does a person “come of age?”

Most would define “coming of age” as the age where one becomes an adult. But when, my friend, does that truly occur?

When I became a “legal” adult at age 18, I registered to vote, I graduated from high school, and I embarked on a four year path of college education. I learned how to spread my wings, find my independence, and make new friends. I learned that the world was not the same everywhere as the home I grew up in, and I learned that partying and gossiping were WAY more interesting that most of my boring gen-ed classes.

When I began my teaching career at age 22, I (sometimes unsuccessfully) attempted balancing fun with work. I found myself battling between youth temptations and the desire to exert myself as a competent, successful professional.

When I became a wife at age 23, I suddenly had to think of another person as much as- or even more than- myself. I had to listen, negotiate, and show compassion. I had to OCCASIONALLY say the dreaded words, “I was wrong.”

When I became a mother at age 27, I had to throw any of my remaining selfish attitude out the window and care for a precious human being that I created. I marveled at my son’s perfection, but struggled at balancing the mounting needs of home, work… and myself.

Now, I am a weathered but wiser 43-year-old. I have taught for kindergarten for 21 years and have been married for more than 20. I continue to parent two teenage boys- with tough days mixed in with pure joy. But I have never felt more patient, more loving, more open, more accepting… than I do right now. Time has erased so many of my woes.

I feel undeniable freedom in letting go of all the things that have previously tied me down.

Irrational thoughts, insecurities, criticism from others.

To me, that is the true art of “coming of age.”

With the wrinkles setting in, and a few gray hairs popping up, I savor and enjoy the following quote:

The trick

is growing up

without growing old.

Casey Stengald

Try to do that, my trickster friends.