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On Monday evenings, I visit my 91-year-old Grammy at the high rise. Her apartment is spotless, despite ongoing difficulties with her mobility.

One such evening, she asked me for a favor and pulled out a small step stool. She requested that I take her rooster decorations off of the top of her refrigerator so I could DUST IT.

“Seriously?” I couldn’t help but ask. I told her that I had difficulty remembering to dust items that I look at everyday (thinking of my incredibly dusty ceiling fan), let alone something as hidden from view as the top of my refrigerator.

I admitted, that in 19 years of living with my husband, I had never ONCE dusted the top of my refrigerator.

Although my Grammy is brutally honest, she has softened with age and giggled at my confession. She also admitted to dusting the top of my refrigerator for me from time to time when I was first married and she had “younger limbs.”

If you are like me, you may have grown up with women who prioritize cleaning above all else. A saying my mother frequently threw around was the well-known “cleanliness is close to godliness.”

But I would argue…is messiness not?

As a working mother of two sons and two dogs, my priorities in life revolve around my family, my career, my friendships, and my mental health.

Although I enjoy the feeling of a clean home, it is certainly not a priority.

Enjoying a fall day with my family. Reading a good book. Taking a walk with my dogs. Writing a story. Calling a friend. Those are much more important to me.

Ultimately, your family, your friends, and your spouse will not remember you for a spotless house. But they WILL remember you for the time you put into relationships with them.

If you are feeling pressure to be the perfect parent with the perfect home, take a moment to reflect on this poem.

It is a personal favorite of mine, and one that I reference quite frequently.

An FYI: Grammy gets a kick out of it, too.

Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better

To paint a picture or write a letter,

Bake a cake or plant a seed,

Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there’s not much time,

With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,

Music to hear and books to read,

Friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world’s out there,

With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,

A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,

This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,

Old age will come and it’s not kind.

And when you go- and go you must-

You, yourself, will make more dust.

Rose Milligan